Stand for something or you will Fall for anything

Each part of the tapestry of life, is the thread that weaves through the invisible. When the seams are knitted with love, all become manifest and whole in being...gcw may2013

The call  that late November came from my sister and there was the uncertainty and urgency in her voice that my brother Michael, was hospitalized.   She suggested I should try to come back home to Maryland, at the earliest time off allowed.

Michael, a robust 5'10" 225 lb, brick muscle gladiator, rugby player, Master Electrician, devoted father, sometimes ornery brother, was never sick or in hospital for all my life of knowing him.  Michael, was just impenetrable about his positions and opinions.   And Michael taught me the meaning of indomitable will and courage as he fought and battled to hold on to life, with a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. He survived for five months after that call. The night before he died, with a frail body mass of 97 lbs, he bravely ushered in the finality of life, with his signalling proclamation, "I'm outta here".  In the words of his favorite song " For what is a man, what has he got, if not himself then he has not, to do the things he truly feels, and not the words of one who yields, I did it all and I stood tall and did it My Way"  (My Way sung by Frank Sinatra), he died as he lived, with purpose and self discipline.

Within the tapestry of life we encounter the threads of experiences which sew together the quality of the  human being that we clothe ourselves in as character.  When our family, and especially Michael's offsprings remember him, etched in the fabric of his person, are the intricate conviction of  his sense of  values.

We are all part of an ethereal tapestry that is weaved in unknowns.  To comprehend the magnificence of our personal brilliance and the reason for our presence are explorations into the realm of infinite potentiality.

In birth we appear as fragile and helpless, and nothing is more nurturing or life giving as the security of  a mother's womb.  On arrival to our assumed identity, we build character and form definitions of  the image that we conceive as our own.  With all types of influences and impacts from family; from traditions; from rituals; from education; from society;  we become more inclined to demonstrate the part that is most etched in our life training and adopted personalities.

One of Michael's favorite ideologies  and one which is akin to defining his persona, is " Stand for something or you will fall for anything. "   He processed the quality of noble conscience, in his assertion and conviction of manliness.   He was inflexible, assertive and immovable when he took a stance.

During our maturing phases of life, moments of challenge and disquiet are when our chances to welcome and nurture the scripts of  friendship, loyalty, integrity, honesty, fairness, justice, and compassion appear as counsel.   These are the euphemisms of personal character definitions that guide and shepherd us in our journeys of trial and tribulations, hope and despair and personal redemption.  We are characters in the art of life and we portray our roles with our personal scripts.  Shakespeare's As you Like It

 "  All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players,  they have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts" As You Like It Act 2, scene 7, 139–143

characterizes our mortal existence and our many stages of appearance.

With our exits and entrances, with the many roles we perfect, there is no illusion in memory.  Our cloaks and garments that remain forever to warm the hearts and wipe the tears, are stitched and threaded with favorite and reverenced emotions.  The patches of each of our life's tapestry are colored and fused with our  invisible likeness of being.  The emotions of character are never erased.  Our life is a story of brilliance.  From our unknown beginnings in the birthing passage, to the fragility in our final exits, we remain carved in the gifts we give to others, the many attributes of character formation.

... Integrity, Compassion, Humor, Empathy, Respect, Forgiveness, Compassion, Sincerity, Empathy, any of these or all shown on the above, we chose and live:  What do you stand for?

It is better to be saved by criticism than to be seduced by praise

Until you rise from ego,  your birthright to illumination will be captive to darkness...gcwalker may2013

Depending on the "who"  that gives the words of wisdom, it causes one to examine and digest the sentiment  "It's better to be saved by criticism, than to be seduced by praise."  These words were shared by my sister Gemma, while driving and discussing people and their behaviors, obsessions and peculiarities.

I googled and found this referenced quote:

"The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticisms. --Norman Vincent Peale.   

I defer to the phrasing context by Gemma for discussion


To entertain the literary inflections stated in the title, it helps that I am part of a very diverse brood of family members with  elder siblings ranging in ages from seventy six to sixty years of age.  I also have throngs of nephews, nieces, and their children and children's children which makes me an honorary great great aunt at my youthful AARP card carrying age of 57. And I proudly claim my discounts, - movies; meals; hotels; travel -  with opportune delight

My siblings and I have managed to forge a mutually respectful and deeply loyal bond with each other even with very distinct and individual personalities. I love the pearls of wisdom that are dispensed by my sibling elders as they offer much food for thought.

On a recent sister weekend retreat at #Wyndham Shawnee Village, Stroudsburg PA, the five sisters from the East Coast, Vicks, Magz, Gemz, Monics and myself, (Val was missed as she lives on the West Coast) picked up our #Travelocity rental,  2013 full size SUV #Dodge Durango from #Avis rental at Washington DC Reagan National Airport and drove to the Poconos in Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania.

After some logistics maneuvers, and with my iPhone as GPS and my music playlists from Gospel artists, +Yolanda Adams, +Vicki Yohe, +Bebe and Cece Winans, +Marvin Sapp, just a sample,   some +Whitney Houston, +Josh Groban, +Sister Sledge{We are Family} and a variety of iTunes downloads, we headed north on a glorious sunny Saturday, with temperatures ranging in the upper 60s , with slight windy chills in the atmosphere. Well, the music vibes of +Rihanna and +Chris Brown or +Lil Wayne would not have been safe for the seasoned and distinguished ladies!!!

At the Poconos, we settled in our two bedroom rustic two level, step down living room with fire place,  townhouse cottage fitted with every amenity of home away from home and tucked in  for the evening, all worn out from 8 hours of drive.  We managed to take a lunch stop at Applebee's Harrisburg, where the waiter knew that the Gold Margarita was the drink of choice for my connoisseur palate, as he mischievously suggested. Hmmmn,,, Delicious.

The sisterly ladies, staunchly Catholic and devout were considering a Saturday mass attendance en route. Thankfully, being the head driver in charge, and with 2 hours of driving before check in at the Wyndham resort, I pleaded consideration from the elders to sacrifice mass attendance and without discord our trip continued.

On Sunday morning we all congregated downstairs, in the step down kitchen at the ten seater blond oak wood dining table.  With coffee perked, left overs spinach dip and chips from our Applebees lunch, turkey and ham sandwiches, prepared in advance by Vicks, we  churched and fellowshiped.  My sister Maggie described the experience in a later thank you email as follows:

Sisters
they laughed a little louder,
they cried a little softer,
they lived a little stronger,
because they stood together.

We reminisced about our parents Andrew and Rose Walker. Both are deceased. I was 9 when Daddy died . Mammy died December 10 2001. Much of the years of Daddy's life were recalled with humor. Maggie recounted his days as a Chief of Police in the small country district of Mayaro, in Trinidad and Tobago. She shared about our upbringing and talked about  the moral core of who we are. A description that stood out as a memory fixture was Maggie's description of Mammy's parenting.

She stated "Mammy's helicopter parenting was untiring and unshakeable". The way she hovered over her brood was with sharp edged wings and  motor like buzzing energy that began with the break of dawn and ended after all her energies were fully exhausted at the quiet  end of a long day.   A fitting tribute to Mammy shared in memory  quotes by us,  her children and grand/great/ great great/ children was the remembrance of her moral authority.

We talked about missing Val, who lives with her family in California for our sisterfest outing.    I even got an audio clip on my iPhone voice recorder with Val being described as steadfast and daunting in her convictions. We planned to call her to wish her Happy Birthday, later in the evening.  We wrapped up the weekend with promises of repeat vacation times with more family members. Oh! and the sisters did get to view their Sunday mass on EWTN before the brunch recollections.

Why do we have this family bond?

When my sister Maggie first migrated to the States over 45 years ago, it was because of her toils and labor that  all of us siblings-my deceased mother, my deceased brothers, Michael and Brian,  nephews, nieces and their families  have the opportunity to enjoy their own continuing legacies. In the journeys through illnesses, death, loss, separation without each others shoulders to lean on and were it not for the hospitality of Maggie and her family,  there would be no us

During one of my stormy episodes of taking life for granted and not adhering to moral discretion and judicious management of personal undertakings, my elder brother's counsel was both my sword and my salvation.

Experience teaches that many are fools who become so opinionated and ego centered that even the best intentioned advice is shunned as arrogant criticism. Love has been a bitter pill to swallow, and has also been the most healing medicine of forgiveness and gratitude.

With the death of my brother Brian @ 51 in 1998, my mother in 2001 and then my brother Michael in 2003, my siblings have truly experienced grief and sorrow of loss of loved ones. We understand very deeply and emotionally that family is not superficial gestures and worldly demonstrations of love.  It is immeasurable and treasured gift of our presence.

We constantly embrace celebrating one another. We relish occasions to share with each other, especially during the holidays, and the numerous children's birthdays, recitals, baptisms, first communions, that occur practically every month.  When we compliment each other it is genuine and heartfelt, and unsparing. In our criticisms we feel sensitive and there are hurts.My brother Derek is sometimes excruciatingly analytical.  But he is always,  ready to help and lend his expertise and talents when needed.

My most severe critics are my siblings and my loved ones, and the master instructor is my son Daryean,

A sentiment that helps me to place my thoughts on paper was recently shared by my sister.

Is your communication for applause or is it from a place of caring and empowerment?

My hope is that what I convey is from my heart and that it gives authenticity to the things that matter.

By now, you can guess. The applause and praise are dedicated to family.

Abundance manifests

All of beauty in its natural splendor and bounteous harvest is fervent with abundance.
Not to keep, but share. In.generosity. Always. ...Grace

The very concept of abundance is a shift to a new thought paradigm. The mindset to attract abundance , after the experience of the absence of the respect for what it means to have abundance, is metamorphosis. A shift is occurring. An awareness is birthing. It is the awakening and the welcoming of the invisible unknown to become manifest with potent and vivid deliverance. As with the birthing of a desired expectancy it comes after labored and prolonged perplexities.

Abundance manifests.

With mindful thought and action, and in rythymn with the universe, the intention of the mind, heart, soul and spirit finds the path that leads to alignment with the gift, Abundance. My history as scrolled in the pages of my thoughts is scoured in perception of unmet expectations. The reality is, I have been in receipt of constant abundance amidst the prevailing distractions.

In childhood, I lost my father at age 9 and automatically developed the symptomatic orphan mentality. My sense of dreams, aspirations, ambitions were foiled in the actuality of poverty circumstance against the backdrop of limitation and disempowerment. The illusion of limitation seeped into my psyche and I was not aware.

Whitney Houston rendered these lyrics, "I didn't know my own strength "and from her voice to my heart, I sucked in the meaning of each word as it filtered through each pore of my being and my soul responded. As the process of catharsis unfolds, the discovery of innermost radiance and abundance ensues.

From birth to now, I have been always shrouded in the legacy of abundance.  Being  cared for, nurtured and richly nourished by a powerfully prescient mother figure, along with siblings who empowered and engendered stability, perseverance, endurance, fortitude, dignity, nobility, and ostensibly abundant grace were not occasional sharings of generosity but perpetual gifts of overflowing deliverance.

As a developing teen, my perception of self was fraught with inner turmoil and discomfort. Not uncommon to adolescent dispositions, the need to be likeable is the disease of youthful arrogance and insecurity. Unless, you discover your niche, it is a constant interplay of desire vs need. For some the desired self idealization is entertained in the glorification of  sportsmanship, beauty,  talents, wealth, and scholarship. For me, the subtlety of the desired was to embrace a need for belonging. The gravity of the emotional loss of a devoted and adoring parent left a dulling void. So in order to compensate and find comfort, it was folly appeal to be self effacing and self diminishing. Numbed were the gifts of self mastery and self abundance. Serial exploits in limitation become the norm.

At pivotal markers of adult years, the fleeting grasp of abundance was courted with momentary savor. The romance of abundance was short lived and left a  path of devastation in its wake. In awakening to the gift of discomfort one is kept aroused in mystery and aching for fulfillment. In the chasm of challenge, and seeking, there emerges the appeal of yearning for understanding. It is in this struggle to manifest, that the mystery of abundance is the discovery of majesty that does not equate with seeking possessions, wealth and luxury.

Abundance and wealth are not synonymous. Wealth and the value associated with quantity is the least of the harvest and the treasury of abundance.Poverty does not describe being. With generous and wholesome desire, money and the exchange of goods,  services, benefits are fixtures of economic measure. Simple exquisite abundance is to discover awakened clarity of generous abundance.

In order to validate abundance it is opportune to validate loss. Without abandonment, emotional security is an abstract.  Without the experience of brokenness, emptiness, barrenness the idea of manifesting abundance is an aimless ploy of self flagellation.

The riches of abundant grace are the mistakes,  mishaps and missteps that come in the illusion of disgrace.

The principles of  abundant stewardship are :-  to be humble in adversity, to be kind without measure, to trust with infinite conviction and to persevere against all odds.  These are not testimonials of worldly endowments, it is the unquenchable, insatiable, amazingly radiant, grace of abundance.

For me, and perhaps the many, our struggle, strife, barriers and roadblocks are the strengths and victories we overcome to welcome our destiny,our Abundance.

Through Thick and Thin

My Sisters and Me

l2r: Valerie Williams, Gemma Walker, Grace Walker, Maggie Gonzales, Monica Walker, and Vicky Martinez sitting

To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time. ~Clara Ortega

As the last of my six sisters and the tallest, I have had the distinct honor and privilege to be nurtured, schooled, advised, instructed, sheltered and most always comforted in the warmth of my family brood.

There were actually a total of 11 siblings. 

 Of the five brothers, Anthony died at 2, Brian at 51 and Michael at 57. So we are now a sibling family of eight, as both our parents Andrew and Rose Walker are deceased.

On January 26 2013, we celebrated my sister Margaret Roses aka Maggie's  73rd birthday.  (Shown here in the picture in the middle).  We have a favorite saying in our family, "You want to make God laugh, well tell Him your plans".  On Sunday January 27, with offsite coordination from Rayanne, Maggie's daughter,  we  decided to have a surprise toast for Maggie's birthday at  home in Maryland. Shall we just say.. plans went awry.  Both the original hostess, my niece Tonya , and also  Maggie's grand daughter, were stricken with sickness.  And thus our guest of honor and her husband Raymond and son Colin and grand daughter Paloma, were a no show.  Harumph!!!

We decided to celebrate with important guest of honor in absentia.  For the occasion, my oldest sister Vicky shared her macaroni pie;   Monica, made green bean salad.   My oldest brother Andre's son Greg,  cooked the fried rice and chicken,and he was accompanied  by  his wife Andrea and three daughters, Danielle, Samantha and lil baby Emma.   Michelle and her brother Brad (daughter and son of my deceased brother Michael)  brought a freshly home made pot of corn soup,  and my brother Derek, his wife Colleen, along with their son Daylan and daughter Collice,  fixed a salt fish buljol with hard boiled eggs and avocados, with scrumptious fresh baked bread selections.  My son, Daryean,  his two daughters Deana and Raylynn and I shared my complement to the food - curried chicken and rice, and fruit punch.

We had a hearty pot luck and feasted with cheers of celebrations to Mags.  We tried to get a Skype hookup to Mags in Dale City, Va. but our techno savvy efforts were not cooperating.  But there was a choral rendition of "Happy Birthday to you", sang by everyone with joyful and rambunctious glee to Mags on speaker via phone call.

Andre my first brother and his wife Grace, reside in Trinidad and Tobago.  My sister Gemma, was also visiting Trinidad for the funeral services of a dearly beloved family friend Fr. Henry Charles, who died suddenly from a massive heart attack.  My sister Val and her family, live in Garden Grove California. They celebrated remotely and in spirit.

For Maggie, I share a special toast:    Maggie, you are the founding member of the Walker, Gonzales, Martinez family who migrated to the United States of America from Trinidad and Tobago in the early sixties.  With your generosity of spirit, each and every member of our family has been able to share a slice of being and living the American dream. For each of us you have been the hallmark of stewardship, through you dedication and unswerving love.  You have always ministered and shared your home, your family, your bounteous hospitality, and your cherished caring.  I have witnessed and been the recipient of such unconditional love.  If  there is a such a way to describe the beauty of your magnanimity, to me it is no less than sacred.  I am always and ever humbled and overjoyed to be your sister.

The treasure of sisters like mine is immeasurable.  I was nine, when our father died in 1965.   My older sisters and brothers each took on the roles of supporting guardians and protectors to ensure my mother and other younger siblings were cared for.  I learned that family is about caring and supporting one another.

From my sisters, I learned to be enjoy the follies of beauty and fashion.  As a matter of fact, on the day of Daddy's funeral, while everyone was swept up in the busyness of preparation, solemnity, and protocol for corteging, (yes grammatically excessive), I was trying on my sister's eyebrow pencil and smudging the reddest lipstick on my lips, in my prep effects. I think the only red showing after my cosmetic experimentation, was my burning ears, after the clean up was performed by my sister Val.

As we have begun our post AARP years, my sisters have allowed me to experience friendship and loyalty.  Through many twists and turns, life hardships, relationship, faith journeying, mothering, marriage, divorce, death, disease, financial loss, social challenges, we have been an army of perseverance, strength and fortitude.  I have learned dignity, pride, self awareness, self respect and repentance. 

Maggie shared her thanks with everyone who celebrated her birthday with this email and prayer: 

Dear Family,
Thank you, thank you so much. It was a total surprise to me to know that you were all gathered to observe my birthday. What an honor! So sorry I could not be there in person to enjoy every moment of it, but was glad that even briefly we could connect. A special thank you to all the primary planners and preparers, I heard from Vickytoria about all the wonderful dishes prepared for the occasion
This is my birthday prayer for you -
Lord, help our family for their continued caring and giving, let our differences blend in the joy of our living. Keep our hearts open in true communication, with patience and kindness without reservation.
May our harmony unite us and strengthen our love, with your grace and mercy and the blessings you send from above.
God bless and stay well. I love you all!
{{{HugUps}}}Maggie And, that's what its all about